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Erin Markey @ErinMarkey New York, NY

::a rat a tat tat:: @oneninehundredcake on instagram

958 Following   2,381 Followers   7,100 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/9/09

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Fyi i'm a stand up comedian now https://t.co/CTMoqJL7Hwcoffeeshop's ipad just tried to autocorrect my email to "drunkard"
5/22
2015
My warm hair
5/19
2015
How bout a remake of Notes On A Scandal where @IAMQUEENLATIFAH plays Blanchett, @MileyCyrus plays student and @HillaryClinton plays DenchMy troof lives on instaonce I got heckled in the penn station public restrooms. She kept calling me Barbie and I just let her because I felt really seen.
5/18
2015
I have the bravery you have the patience or vice versa. Sorry to bring up Queen Latifah at a time like this.If I named my face spongebob would you wring it@tomleger you are not even going to be into anyone who still has an okcupid accounti can't find any blogs about how strategic and weird the mitt romney/ evander holyfield boxing match is HELP
5/17
2015
ur not that cute but ur willing to go there & that's what i'm attracted 2 could u ever <3 someone who puts marinara sauce on their nachosI said 'win that dog for me' but then I picked up the squirt gun just to be in it and my horse finished first.talking to toy developers abt creating board game called You Prioritize Drinking Over Me. worried board games won't fly w/ smartphone babies
5/16
2015
Do a-string-of-christmas-lights count as genitals yet or what?Shure mommy@sean_keady http://t.co/n3iNBSPWpS
5/15
2015
@sean_keady need u to be more specif.never forget the time your optometrist took an iphone video of your eyes to show his students your "eye bulge"
5/13
2015
i'm gonna name my kids LLC and 501c3 and just wait to see which one looks more like me
5/12
2015
@LogoTV when is drag race season finale? Trying to plan a thang so pretty desperate to know.@ErinMarkey he told me after we kissed that the difference between him and melissa joan hart was that her mom insisted on a producer credit@ErinMarkey no@ErinMarkey do u mean sam's ladderYes, I can confirm that I have made out with one cast member from Clarissa Explains It All.@Athens this tweet is from 5 years ago
5/11
2015
Art fair madness hits NYC.Seek shelter #ANTIFREEZE2 May 12 @ 7:30 w/ @ErinMarkey @CarmelitaTropi @Norauls @MacyRodman http://t.co/ZIiWspBVaL
Retweeted by Erin Markey
5/8
2015
My baby carrots are soaked
5/5
2015
SAT 5/23 My new zine DOOR GIRLS is out! Having a reading at @BGSQD featuring @ErinMarkey @justnalln & @unevenkeeler: http://t.co/tIsAkHa8ki
Retweeted by Erin Markey
5/4
2015
I am in a very crowded dressing room and I deserve a special citation TONY for swallowing this many farts.
5/1
2015
TONIGHT!! Free!! @ErinMarkey @juliothesquare @annadrezen @dinosaurustessa and I! Don Pedro, 9 PM!! 90 Manhattan ave http://t.co/zjrmK2j2wV
Retweeted by Erin Markey
4/29
2015
Old Yelper gonna getcha
4/28
2015
MAYDAY! Avant-Garde-Arama this Fri + Sat @AbronsArtsCtr! Niv Acosta on Fri. @ErinMarkey w/ Carmelita hosts! #OUTHERE https://t.co/Um0ayV3wkv
Retweeted by Erin Markey
4/27
2015
Shazam my plantars wart
4/26
2015
I think people like to just feel the word nepotism inside of their mouths. Prove that it makes you uncomfortable.
4/22
2015
On a scale of tribeca film festival open bar to michael cerveris as 'dad' in Fun Home, how is your day?
4/20
2015
me and @silasio followed up our Fun Home matinee with a times square starbucks toilet line gaybash. NOT TOO SHABBY.
4/18
2015
@TheMarthaMan desperately seeking graham crackerz on stage STATTrying to figure out how I can monetize my dog by changing nothing about either of our behaviors
4/16
2015
We'll be SWIMMING in Downtown darlings tmrw night for @biglar678's #LOOKBOOK benefit/auction! 930PM #fashion #frocks http://t.co/gWiZ8ZOFuu
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyIf you love meeting new people you'll love childbirth
4/14
2015
didn't occur to me that hillary was a lesbian til last night and goddamn her for playing american mind games with me@perfectlildani jesus christ.I think i've always been interested in the erotics of extreme cuteness http://t.co/qgkN1dnAit
4/12
2015
Wasting away again in pashminaville
4/9
2015
If you're serious about being tired of skinny jeans I need you to show meme and a tallboy eating my birchbox sample
4/8
2015
The Personal is Professional TO QUOTE A SPIRAL NOTEBOOK FULL OF PROPHECY@AnthonyBLSmith suddenly seymour@AnthonyBLSmith woah why is the Americans everybody's oxygen tank@AnthonyBLSmith I dare u to send the pic u saw so I can feel pretty on easter@AnthonyBLSmith WELL not my first time hearing that.If u arent the mayor of your church on 4 square you need to hit your knees stat
4/5
2015
@ColeEscola why dont you just DJ your spotify and be a party pooper
4/4
2015
Chill out U r always going to seem like a kid to somebody older than u until there is no one older than you. Then u are Queen Of The Kids.@captaindingbat @billycheer deed i did@captaindingbat @billycheer yipFor me astrophysics is about the UM astrophysics prof who hired me as a research assistant and paid me to step on groceries in high heels@billycheer from a Wayne Koestenbaum story i'm reading right now http://t.co/OlyTd1KQ8e
4/3
2015
@PS122 can u ask vallejo to reply to my email. Tell him my promo pic from 2007 is in a magazine..@TimeOutNewYork top ten downtown cabaret performers....or...well you take a look ;) http://t.co/fyxkJ9ERaN
Retweeted by Erin Markey"If you don't think money talks you need to buy an expensive hearing aid" -Susan B Anthony
4/2
2015
Who wants to kickstart my new ceramic angels series called They Wouldn't Buy My Clothes Because My License ExpiredA list of companies who I support by offering them a one way Peter Pan bus ride to hell -Buffalo ExchangeLast night I picked up 8,000 followers just by tweeting the word speculum
3/27
2015
@JonRua yea god@JonRua if u r in any way involved u r a dweeb. Guilty.@JonRua hopped up on twitter adrenaline like some kind of theater dweeb@FeldmanAdam so far it's just me and your stirrups but that sounds right cause i've spent a week on a dude ranch before@ErinMarkey can anybody make sure Michelle Obama knows this is on the tableJust a quick show of hands: If i curate a Speculum Comedy Night how many artists are interested in showing work@stellafolz the yellow wallpaper too@NOTCHRISTYLER do u know his number i'll txt him right nowHow fast could a song called Remember When I Made You Buy Me A Speculum move to the Billboard 40 cuz i'll only write it if i like my oddsWow if u cant even fav my speculum tweet how can I be assured that if you were my theoretical employer you would give me maternity leave@redrabbitnyc do it bunny@tperzyk @periscopeco even with me droid@tperzyk @periscopeco girl, what IS this shizI feel like valerie solonas shot me too but guess what i'm gonna praise her like I shoooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuld
3/26
2015
Single straight men know that the cheapest way to be an expert is in hot sauce connoisseurship
3/24
2015
well i guess my new life is watching kate bush intervews on youtube. gonna miss you guys. please sign my yearbook's crack.I can’t consciously remember being in the womb. when I try, I remember scenes from Look Who’s Talking starring John Travolta & Kirstie Alley
3/19
2015
We sure did puffy paint those sam n libbys' at the end of the driveway
3/16
2015
Just found out my journal considers me "the Michael Crawford of our time." Feeling validated.
3/13
2015
An Empire/House of Cards merger like Flintstones meet the Jetsons but Doug Stamper is still Phantom of the OperaReaching my step goal on my pedometer makes it easy to forget that house of cards murdered a sex worker to liberate a First Lady.@NOTCHRISTYLER derek??I think that makes Claire Underwood the Raoul.@NOTCHRISTYLER I think doug?or is Doug Stamper the new Keyser SozeIs Doug Stamper the Phantom of the Opera
3/12
2015
I was a peer mediator in high school so I feel like I got this.Just saw Slenderman in South Slope. Anyone have prison contact info for middle school girls who stabbed their friend trying to find him?
3/10
2015
@ErinMarkey happy international women's day, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlon a bolt bus using entirety of my data plan to stream phantom of the opera soundtrack. Enter at last master!
3/8
2015
They narrowed the hiring down based on how many times applicants abused the phrase *flavor profile*
3/7
2015
I heard there were two abortion rooms in that immersive theater experienceI'm snowing really hardI too am writing a shellfish allergy comedy
3/5
2015
"You are still a virgin until your dad puts it in you." -@bridgeteverett
3/2
2015
@ErinMarkey and that's why I still believe in you
3/1
2015
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