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Fred Beukema @beukema Minneapolis, MN

Struct Eng, Improv, husband/dad. || You may think that you crave true love, but it is not a game for cowards. Neither is Scrabble. - Onion horoscopes

196 Following   399 Followers   4,596 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/3/09

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Meet the "expert" who testifies over and over again in cops' favor when there is a police shooting of unarmed people.
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@theseantcollins My first thought was Randyll Tarly, but this is totally right.Hey @readingrainbow @levarburton Will we see the old school opening/animation as RR returns to Netflix, or just the newer version?@theseantcollins Apostrophe/Overnite Sensation is as good a one-two punch as there has been.
Nat'l Parks want to stop selling bottled water because of litter. Bottle companies get Congress to cut park funding.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@MyLittleBloggie Some media outlet should have a regular "what isn't news, and why" feature.
@section_sign Glad to hear you’re generally ok. Sorry about your bike; good it’s not your you.@bravenewgrrrl I think they have charts where you can check the length of the fly against your height.Excited to be at Rarig on @mnfringe opening day. Bummed it’s not for shows.@JoshDCarson @fringefamous The old blog seems to be somehow associated with the Pick Up Artist community now.@ShawnElliott Strange voice?Jimmy Durante?
We don't have to participate in media cycles if we don't want to.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@cwethern Look up Michael B Jordan then & now.@DthomasJournals What an a-hole.Everyone in this story is an American hero:
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@MyLittleBloggie Thanks be praised…Reminder: government debt is historically cheap, unemployment is too high and our infrastructure needs improvement
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign @dbrauer Problems that aren't deep, societal & systematic sure do seem easier to solve! Hey! A villain! Get 'im!@theseantcollins You guys keep in touch?
@TigNotaro Favorite prison on an oceangoing vessel?In this bank waiting area, a little girl just finished reading a book. She put it down, patted the cover, and said, "thank you, book!"
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@section_sign Sadly, I think much of the broader culture has no idea these people exist, let alone are generating this mayonnaise.In all seriousness, marital rape is rape, and it is illegal, and you can and should go to jail for it.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaTrumps lawyer is only licensed to practice law in Westeros
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@stoatno1 Potentially ironic and self-refuting."A bunch of Twins players visited the Creation Museum on a road trip...I don’t think a Science Night is in the cards"
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@DthomasJournals @mnfringe Glad to help!@DthomasJournals @mnfringe A fun piece! Historic Fringe sites seem no longer accessible, but I'm 99% sure Fringe has been in NE before 2015.So many articles about millennials boil down to "We broke their spirit 8 yrs ago, it's weird they haven't forgotten"
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@OnanRulz It's not too late, Nick. Seize the initiative!@johnmoe Not when we need to run the same show on mutliple frequencies, multiple times a weekend, and best of 10-year-defunct programs. Grr.When someone says #AllLivesMatter, feel free to ignore their brain until the end of time. #BlackLivesMatter
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@AdamLevyGanesha Very excited that you’ve hooked up with these folks.@cwethern Congratulations!Portlandia Season 6!
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I miss the days when the internet was a rare and wild frontier for weird children to digitally mash themselves together
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@fivemanjob Maybe. I feel like we’re searching for a word for idiocy on the part of folks who should know better.@fivemanjob I think it’s good to have a word not historically used against a minority group, to use instead of a hateful one.Can't talk about gun control because gun deaths are too frequent is among the most fucked up states for a society to possibly arrive in.
Retweeted by Fred Beukemathe Waller County Sheriff thinks he's in a game. Why else would this armored truck have a batman symbol? #SandraBland
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@dbrauer Or if you think people are idiots behind the wheel in two dimensions!
@section_sign I recently spent $7 in a Steam sale, so Life Is Strange has a mulit-year backlog to queue up behind.@section_sign Is that from Life is Strange?@theseantcollins The Aristocrats!I can't not respond to this kind of comment.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@jillybee72 Z98 plays today's hottest hits. Be the 98th caller with the phrase that pays, and you'll win tickets to Z-fest next weekend at t@section_sign Fled Travelers in 2013 like they were on fire. Glad USAA hadn't gotten the memo on 20%+ rate hikes.@section_sign We had an overcorrection in the year btw changing insurance companies and selling the house. Became nice bonus after moving.See, we all watched Trooper Encinia lie about being assaulted. We saw it. If he'd lie about that, they'd lie about anything. #SandraBland
Retweeted by Fred Beukema#AssataShakur schooled us on what cops do to conscious black inmates a long time ago. #SandraBland #BlackLivesMatter
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaThe NRA have won the psychological battle to make mass shootings an accepted fixture of American life. That's really something.
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@filmspotting So you immediately queued up Natural Born Killers..@taylorswift13 trying to sell her TS 1989 clothing line in China. This is...really not going to work well.
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@KenJennings Ours has his doctorate.@mikefotis It was placed here for a limited time by the City of Chicago to prevent transplanted Chicagoans getting too comfortable in Mpls.Me: It's not illegal to be rude to cops. Them: Well, if you poke a bear, what do you expect? Me: That's why we don't make bears cops.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaSorry, Jenny Beukema. My email address is not your parent's. Your Club Penguin account will not be activated anytime soon.
@scalzi Only if ET was having an orgasm! I’ll show myself out.Since 1978 College tuition +1,120% CEO pay +937% Healthcare +601% Housing +380% Food+244% Worker pay +10% Minimum wage pay -5.5% #inequality
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaAnybody else notice that the long version of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt theme seems to blank out the word "smelled?" Why?July 27-30 2007 national poll: Giuliani 33% Thompson 20% McCain 17% Romney 11% Paul/Thompson/Brownback 2% Huckabee/Hunter/Tancredo 1%
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@cwethern @edwardjolmos Hard-wired phones only.In Prairie View, tx #sandrabland
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaClassic. A dude with a tuba trolls racist Confederate marchers playing hilarious music alongside them as they march.
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The Zombies’ Odessey & Oracle-era lineup will reunite and perform the album on tour:
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@JoshDCarson #WorseLiveActionDisney@JoshDCarson Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and Kevin Hart are The Three Caballeros.@JoshDCarson The Fox & The Hound, The Musical, The Movie@fivemanjob Hey, I'm helping them be more efficient by taking a dead end off their call sheet.Have gotten three of the tech support scam calls "from Windows" in the last few days. Told them twice never to call again. (cc: @fivemanjob)I hope that Brian May lists "Guitar Solo -- Bohemian Rhapsody" in his astrophysics CV.@cwethern Looks like you picked the right week to quit heroin.
~all that matters is who's appointing supreme court justices~
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaWhen McCain ridicules Trump for "firing up the crazies", I want to pick up Sarah Palin and throw her at him.
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@section_sign Thursday in the Alliance Bank food court, right?A Darin Morgan X-Files episode guest starring Kumail Nanjiani and Rhys Darby is going to be my best episode of 2016. Sorry. It just is.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaI got to be in an ep of my favorite show (X Files) written & directed by my favorite writer (Darin Morgan.) And this script is wonderful.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaOn the X Files set with Kumail Nanjiani. Being on this show left us both a bit giddy. #xfiles #fanboys
Retweeted by Fred Beukema"Obama's not American." "Yeah!" "Black people are lazy." "Yeah!" "Mexicans are rapists." "Yeah!" "Mccain's no hero." "HEY MAN TOO FAR."
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaTFW you realize @kumailn + @litwille = @davidduchovny lighting is weird because there is a UFO right above our heads.
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@elakdawalla On to Eris!@beukema A little voice inside my head said, “effing boomers, man.”Out on the road today, I saw Deadhead stickers on a matching pair of Porsches. Emily Reese, host of @TopScorePodcast.
@AdamSerwer You've got to know your chicken.Airport noise: you heard a plane therefore you live near the airport & can't complain. Car traffic: nobody could have foreseen this tragedy!
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaI'm assuming that will happen, actually. RT @benuski What if Jon Hamm gets an Emmy for Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne instead of Don Draper?
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaGamerGate plans to raid a Planned Parenthood hash, because that has to do with games, journalism, and/or ethics.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema#SandraBland had degrees. Belonged to a Black Greek Organization. Was employed. She was all the things you tell us to be. And she's dead.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@OnanRulz Eligibility is June-through-May.@OnanRulz Eligible for next year, I think? Unless it's too short to qualify as a movie or miniseries?Number of Nick Offerman nominations for playing Ron Swanson = 0.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaStrib describes MSP airport: "tucked in the middle of a heavily populated area." Interesting. I though airport was there first.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaLooked at list of Best Drama series. The Americans is not on it. Throw TV out window.
Retweeted by Fred Beukemahold up...
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@fivemanjob My excitement at the lifeline for when my Classic finally dies outweighs the potential horror of using Apple Music to listen!We're releasing David Lynch’s MULHOLLAND DR. this Fall:
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaThis is so Pluto must have felt today.
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Brilliant. So many news sites could use this.
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